Q: How long should I expect to grieve from divorce?
A: Grieving is a personal process. It takes as much time as it takes. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel or for how long.
Q: How do I find a therapist I can trust?
A: Take the time to interview potential therapists on their approach and belief systems. It is your choice on who you decide to hire to help you through your process and you can always change your mind.
Q: What if I’ve never had therapy before? The thought of therapy makes me uncomfortable.
A: Give therapy a try, you can always try something else if therapy doesn’t feel right.
Q: What if I keep changing my mind about getting a divorce or staying in my relationship?
A: You can change your mind as often as you want, and when it is time to take action or make a decision, trust yourself. You will know when you know. And talk to your partner, you are both in this thing together one way or another.
Q: What if I don’t know how to talk to my partner? Is it too late to fix our problems?
A: Find a professional to help (Imago therapy is a great start), build a support system with friends who have successful marriages and ask them to be your mentors, look for someone to facilitate your conversations and help you both clear patterns so you both can heal.
Q: Is there a particular age that is better if the parents decide to get divorced?
A: The timing of whether you get help with relationship therapy or whether you decide to get a divorce is a personal choice, keeping in mind that it is best if both the father and the mother are engaged in parenting to raise children to healthy adulthood; whether you live in the same house or parent separately.
Q: What if I am in a same-sex marriage? Are you saying that two mothers or two fathers are bad?
A: There is no bad or good. How you partner or parent, and how you choose to live your life is a personal choice. If you are in a same-sex marriage, whether you decide to stay in the marriage or not, there are also extended family members or people from your community who can provide bonding and healthy modeling for the one of different sexual orientation not in the marriage. For example, two gay men might encourage a grandmother to participate in their child’s life, or two lesbian women may have an uncle or brother who has a special bond with your child. Again, it is a personal choice.
Q: Are there workshops or support groups in my area?
A: There are always support groups. You can look up therapists, find communities in your church home or local outreach program, look at meetup.com on the Internet, or start your own group.
Q: Are there support groups for my children?
A: Rainbows is an excellent support system for children. Often adults bringing their children find solace and support with other parents whose children are in Rainbows. Visit www.rainbows.org.